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I have been packing all weekend. i haven’t been happy about it, but i’ve been doing it. with everything all sorts of up in the air, i will be so relieved to just be settled in the new place, and i promise pictures when that happens. speaking of those, i just put a couple from the february refresh the triangle session on my flickr page if you went or care.

so back to moving. it’s stressful and painful. there are three people i’d really rather not think about right now, and relics of each are somehow everywhere. the biggest, of course, is my dad, and this is another one of these emotional triggers that i should have seen coming but didn’t. it’s a tribute to his dedication as a father that i am moving boxes full of food that i hate but he loved—he found a way to come all the way out here frequently enough that i repeatedly filled cupboards with his favorites, which disappeared behind my favorites, which got replaced with his before the next visit.

the first time i cried in public after his death was seeing a new non-alcoholic beer and getting a rush of excitement before realizing that i had no one to buy it for. this felt kind of like that. feeding a person is such a nice way to love them, and not being able to show someone love when you want to is so goddamned terrible.

anyway. you may recall that i have to be out of this apartment before i can move into the next. i’m leaving my stuff at david’s (bless him) in the hours between, but since señor javi will be out of town during that time, i’m probably going to do most of the moving myself while everyone i know is at work. I could wait and get help but most everything is very nicely partitioned and i think i’m sort of looking forward to the process. i feel like i haven’t had enough reinforcement lately of how the a’s in my life transition to b’s, so it might actually do me some good to resolve this particular problem the long way. and, the weather has been and is expected to be beautiful, so all the better.

i bought a map of the durham area for my truck today. because i live here now, right? i got lost a while ago and noticed that all my maps were for detroit and ontario, and having left michigan 7 years ago, that seemed a little unreasonable. baby steps.

i’m keeping the michigan maps in the glove box, though. and after seeing semipro tonight, i’m annoyed that the token flint local had a minnesota accent. i mean, come on. my theory is that very few people outside of the midwest know the difference, because everyone who goes to michigan loves it so much that they never leave. if that’s not it, then i’ve got nothing.

putting away the artifacts displayed on my fridge today, i unearthed a note to myself, a promise that i would move to chicago by february 28th, 2008. whoops. i wrote that before my dad died, when many things were different. i don’t feel terrible about it—it just had me thinking. i’m not ready and i’m ok with that too.

knowing how you got from a to b is very important, i think.

i’m currently sprawled out on the last piece of furniture in my apartment and picasso just came out of his box to observe me, as though he wants to figure out why i’m listening to elliott smith and writing a pointless blog entry instead of sleeping and letting him too. and that is probably a very good question. tomorrow will be hard and i should be rested.

so, goodnight.