memorly dot com

just when you think you’re finally getting your life together, you find out you’re going to have a baby.

i mean, i’m not having a baby, exactly. (that was some fun we just had, yeah? good times. forgive me, mom.) but sophie and picasso may have five. just when i had finally found a new home for them, i open the nesting box to see two little green blobs sitting on a clutch of eggs. and i remember my promises to two people that if s&p ever did lay eggs, they could each have one of the babies. and then the adoption deal sort of falls through. and now i have more things to think about.

the person from whom i adopted the birds told me that they laid eggs regularly for him, but he always pulled them out of the box, quietly throwing them in the trash. and there’s a good argument for that—if i let these birds hatch, can i be reasonably sure i can find loving, responsible homes for them? i mentioned this to Tim last night, who suggested that the world might be a nicer place if people were permitted to do the same—quietly throw away each others’ children.

i do not like having to decide what happens to these eggs.

just because i feel like i haven’t disclosed every single thing i’ve done to the Internet, and that causes me pain, here’s, briefly, what else i’ve been doing:

dropping my cell phone in water / trying to revive it / giving up / trying to buy a new one / being annoyed with poor salespeople / buying a replacement on ebay out of spite / dancing (everywhere and sort of a lot) / saying goodbye to Tim / contemplating the possible benefits of moving to pittsburgh / lusting after some pajama pants at benetton that are approximately twice as expensive as i think they should be but perhaps three or four times as awesome as any pajama pants have any right to be so i’ve decided i’m allowed to buy them / reading Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh which is really rocking my world / being grateful that Brett graces me with such good book recommendations / eating apples / playing with the bird / naming the bird (see below!)/replacing the crackers in my desk at work with a mix of nuts and seeds and raisins and chocolate because eating that over-processed crap really doesn’t help me work / planning two (two!) trips to michigan in the next couple months / eating milkshakes / reading about local politicians / voting / finding new people to contribute to on kiva.org / worrying about a swollen lymph node / trying to listen to the radio / enjoying the weather / paring down my wardrobe / spending too much time with friends / trying to improve my spanish / printing pictures / working on the apartment

and some other stuff i probably shouldn’t talk about here.

aside from the general update above, the point of this post was originally going to be to discuss my feelings about several people with whom I have (intentionally, on the part of one of us or the other) lost touch. The problem with having a public blog is that no matter how much you don’t want to write for your audience, you can never totally avoid it. like how documentaries can never perfectly capture something because the presence of the camera crew adds something unnatural to the environment, the effects of which are unknown and impossible to know. I often think that I could have the most funny, interesting, worthwhile blog in the world, if only it were anonymous. But it would have to be completely anonymous, as I’ve realized that there isn’t one person i know whose subscription to this theoretical blog wouldn’t alter what i chose to talk about/disclose. but for the same reason that it doesn’t appeal to me to have a blog read only by strangers, it bothers me to know that at least a couple people who probably drop by this site from time to time are among those with whom so many important things have been left unsaid for so long, and the conflict between my desire to communicate some sort of message to them and my desire to avoid the kind of passive aggression that that would almost definitely be the vehicle for that …well, it really disrupts my ability to put my thoughts together, i think.

so i was going to try to just address those thoughts, let them into the world, let them go. but i’ve been thinking about it, and of the four people who come to mind, two i miss so very much, and think about constantly, and can’t even really be angry with even when i think i should be. and the other two i’d rather forget ever existed. there’s no way to generalize my feelings about this set of people when they’re so polarized, and there’s no way to address them specifically without being passive-aggressive and cryptic and ridiculous. so that post is not going to happen, and i hope that by writing even this much, i will feel like i can put it out of my mind. to be revealed.

and oh, my poor baby. it’s been so long since i’ve posted. this was supposed to be Nixie’s time to shine.

that’s right. meet Nixie:

now featuring: kisses!

those of you following along in your readers know that this bird has been without a name for way too long. thus, i owe Chris a beer for the suggestion, and i owe my brother two beers for inspiring Chris’ suggestion and being the best brother in the world. And I owe Jenn a whole night’s worth of beers for convincing me that the name is perfect, as well as showing me a fantastic time the other night and making me laugh and chill out for once. I really needed that.

Thank you to everyone who suggested names—I honestly did not get even one suggestion that I didn’t like, and the bird got called a combination of all the suggestions for the whole last month before I felt ok with this decision. Honorable mention goes to David, though, for suggestion “Annyong” – definitely the most clever name I’ve ever heard for a parrot. But it’s not as pretty or easy to say, and not enough people watched Arrested Development (damn you all!) to appreciate it.

okay.

I’m sorry that this post is so thought-vomity. I’ve decided just to publish it and go to bed and try to post more regularly in the future so that i don’t have so many things to address at once.

good night, Internet.