I began to write this post twenty eight hours before my father’s surgery. I am substituting almost all of the text as very little of it seems relevant anymore.
Having just written this post about my lame laptop problems, I thought it might be funny to write a post without the use of the three letters that no longer work. I felt as though it might be a great opportunity to examine my vo—lexi—(shit.)—a great opportunity to be a bit more thoughtful about how i say things. But now I’m just finishing it to be able to post remotely without bringing an external setup along. It is way less easy to express myself without those letters than you might think so please forgive the terrible writing.
I finally went to the Apple store; I guess I’ll have this gimp laptop for a while. Apparently, problems resulting from being a jumpy freakshow are not eligible for warranty repair. It’s $1200 (yeah, that’s right $1200) for the full fix, but they’ll probably be able to get my three keys working again for about $200. In any event, I won’t be able to survive long at work without my laptop, so the genius bar guy suggests I give it to them over the break. That buys me some time to explain to my superiors that I require money as a result of my inability to have a sip of something without feigning a fit of epilepsy. Also, it is really unfair that im able to type ‘epilepsy’ but not “spa*” or ”*rink” or “so*a” or, ugh, forget it.
On a more serious note, I have the best family. Everyone has been emailing, posting on this blog, giving me a ring at really key times. I am really thankful for that. This week was the first where i’ve been worse (where ‘worse’ is just, feeling it more) than the week before. I miss my father a lot. I start sobbing at nothing. I think that’s probably how it goes/will go. progress. regress. I feel better about the thought that there’s some point in time when it will be a lot better, that every moment that passes is a step nearer to that point. Sort of like engineering problem sets, where you have to waste a lot of time exploring all the wrong avenues before you get to put away the books. Just a lot shittier (man, i never thought it was possible to hate anything more than problem sets). So this week felt like regression but maybe it means I’m starting to get past the numbness phase.
On the moving front, I was just trying on a pair of beautiful work pants when I saw that there were ja—grr—tops to go with them. Like the pants, they were also on sale but only impossibly small ones were left. Now, I have this problem where I will refuse to allow for a reality wherein i might not get what i want, so after tearing the store apart for a bigger top, i took the impossibly small one into the stall with me. Just out of stubbornness, you know, to see how far off it was. vanity labeling for the win, it fit! so without looking for one, i got the new interview suit i was meaning to look for…one of the few things keeping me from getting really serious about exploring the thought of a big move. Many of you know this, but I like to not overplan my life, to just sort of stay open to opportunities, let it happen naturally. Stuff always has, too. So for me, the surprise suit situation might be a sign that the leaving-the-state part of the plan might be on its way sooner than i ‘ve been thinking. time, as always, will tell.
My wimpy liquiphobe laptop is whining so I will sign off before i run out of battery. g’night for now.
Hey sister,
The self proclaimed “genius bar” is a terrific example of why my dislike for everything apple has done nothing but grow in the last year or so. It’s funny but its not so much the computer I dislike, but the arrogant and pretentious marketing they spew. Replacing a keyboard on most any other laptop is a matter of 50-100 bucks, a screwdriver, and about five minutes. Oh well.
In other news I’m glad to hear you’re doing alright. I certainly can’t say much positive except that I know what you’re going through. Having to clean out the van and watch it leave yesterday was tough and so was today when I walked into a harbor freight tool store and saw a whole display full of yellow bee planes; I almost lost myself right there. I can’t remember how many trips dad and i made to harbor freight to either look for specials on cheap planes or pick up replacement wings after we smashed the hell out of them. To pull a quote from full metal jacket, this is just a big shit sandwich and we’re all gonna have to take a bite.
I won’t stay long since most of the meaningful stuff has been covered by mom and the aunts. Don’t let yourself get too stressed out about things like moving logistics or the truck. I believe I’m as well qualified as dad to bug you to get oil changes and thats about the only thing that truck will need anytime in the near future. As for moving I’m here to help with logistics whenever necessary…who knows I may even find an excuse to visit again sometime.
See you at Christmas.
Love always,
Pete
— Pete Dec 10, 06:09 PM [link]