memorly dot com

sorry, Internet. i have to keep this one as short as possible.

first things first: i went home last week and it was awesome. the june party was amazing as ever, and cousin David even made it via webcam! i put some pictures of that up on flickr if you’re interested.

the weather in durham is gorgeous today and i am very happy.

like really, you know, happy. i am in a good place.

today I got an award for working with the university for 5 years. granted, half that time I was a work study student at the lab, but 5 years? i have been in durham a long time. i have had ten addresses in this town.

i chose to stay in durham after graduation because it was easy, and i really needed easy for a while. for the previous 8 or so years, i had always overbooked myself, always gotten involved in too many things, always stretched myself too thin…and it was making me into someone i didn’t like to spend time with. so i decided to stay here and take it easy until i was ready to embrace balance.

it’s taken a little longer than i expected. but i think i may finally be there. i’m really happy about that.

one of the best things about my life in durham is that I have a really stable job that gives me time to work on other things that are important to me. i’m fortunate to not work 70-hour weeks, and i want to take better advantage of that. at Tim’s suggestion, I made a 43things account yesterday, and i’m really excited about being a little more focused about my goals.

nixie also really makes my life happy. we’re learning to live better together. i really love that bird.

nixie used to scream whenever i left the apartment, a frantic sort of “don’t leave me here” scream. now he gives a halfhearted scream only when i touch the door, as if to say “i know i won’t change your mind, and i know you’ll be back, but just so you know, i think this sucks”. he has personality and opinions and is very affectionate but pretty much never clingy, and he isn’t all sugar and spice all the time but if he likes you, he’ll really go out of his way to show it. i love this in nixie because it’s more or less how i idealize myself to be.

i have a very good life here. the latest gift is the realization that i have the resources now to leave, too. Tracey and I are going to go to New Orleans in a couple weeks, because why not. After that, I go back home, and I can’t tell you how happy I am to be able to go home when I want to.

in michigan i saw friends (though not enough of them and i’m sorry about that, guys) and family, and it was really restorative. i had breakfast with Autumn and she was in a bad mood when i picked her up, and that was strangely one of the best parts of my trip because no matter how different our lives are now or how little we know about each others’ present, we know everything about each others’ pasts, and the thing about Autumn is that there is only one thing that will put her in such a funk and only one thing that will pull her out of it, and that’s a function I know how to serve and that brings me happiness. to have a role.

i think that’s the heart of it, really. if there’s anything I spend a lot of time worrying about, it’s how I fit in. In various circles, in life. I don’t always think I have a logical place, and I often think that the hats i wear don’t totally fit. But when I go home, I know exactly what my function is and exactly how I fit in, and everything is logical and consistent and wonderful.

so in summary, Internet, things aren’t all candy and roses, but i can say that every area of my life that i can think of is the same or better than it was in march. and isn’t that awesome?