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I hate the idea of defining people by their hobbies and I super hate when people try to make smalltalk by asking me what I do for fun. I don’t have a canned answer for this. What I do in my spare time isn’t that important to me in retrospect, I think because the only two activities I really enjoy are thinking and not thinking, and I can think or not think in pretty much any scenario. I like books. I don’t have a favorite type of book. Movies, music, whatever; it’s the same story. If I’ve never read/seen/heard anything like it, I’ll feel happy and engaged until I’ve made sense of the experience. If I have read/seen/heard many things like it, it will give me an excuse not to think about anything, and the activity will be restorative but unmemorable.

It’s probably pretty safe to assume that the person posing the question wants names of activities and not a philosophical rejection of the premises, so I just name some things I’ve done recently. I always inadvertently include something very misleading or amusingly unremarkable.

And the sister question: what you do for a living. This is the second half of the conversational 1-2 punch when someone is looking to judge you. Occupation is more straightforward so I’m less irritated by the inquiry, but I’ve noticed I get a lot of sass about it… usually from young women or people who think art and conviction alone power the universe. Apparently, working with software is so boring and dorky that it’s acceptable to publicly mock the field.

These are always the same people who say things like, “well that’s fine for you, but I’m not a computer person. Oh me? I really enjoy music. That’s what I like. I mean, everyone has their “interests”. No, not making it or anything. Just listening to it. Yeah, like, I just hear music on such a different level. Of course, everyone likes music. But not like I do. Oh by the way, my microwave is smoking…that’s kind of a computer, right? Do you think you could take a look at it?”

I know I shouldn’t take it seriously when these vapid, clueless bitches act horrified that they didn’t pick up on how uncool I am until I told them what I did for a living. That’s why I’ve decided that next time, I’ll just say my primary interest is being a contributing, functional member of society, and leave it at that.